


Where Do We Go from Here?

by RachaelBmine, sweetbabydean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker, Dean is dead, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Human!Castiel - Freeform, Hurt, Hurt!Sam, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Pre-Slash, Sastiel - Freeform, Slow Burn, Tumblr Prompt, fic!off, post s10
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2302220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelBmine/pseuds/RachaelBmine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetbabydean/pseuds/sweetbabydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post season 10, Sam is recovering from injuries and deeply mourning the loss of his brother Dean. Castiel has refused to leave him in the Bunker alone and cares for him, just like he has before. Their love for each other as best friends and brothers in arms begins to flourish in to more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fic!off that a friend and I did. Her portions will be in bold. ((The rating may change as chapters are added))

Castiel trudged down the dark corridor with the hot bowl in his hands. The floor was unbearably cold and he wanted to get back to the room quickly where the warmth was. It had been three weeks and Sam had barely moved from the bed, only rising to take showers and allowing Cas to spoon soup into his mouth. Castiel had not been human for very long but he had picked up on a few things during his time living on the street. Sam was depressed. He couldn’t blame him. He swears he can still hear Dean laughing in the library sometimes or the Impala roaring to life in the garage, but it wasn’t true, it was his mind coping with the fact that Dean was dead and that Sam had to be the one that…  


Well, Sam was under his care now, just as he had been when they were removing Gadreel’s grace. He would never leave Sam again, no matter how many times he told him to go, not matter what horrible things he yelled at him. He wouldn’t leave Sam again. He stood in front of the wooden door for a moment and breathed deeply, then he turned the knob and pushed it open.

xXx 

**Sam was still sprawled out in the position that Cas left him in, looking like he had for last three weeks. Castiel padded into the room as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb Sam. It’s not that he had to be quiet, but Sam looked pretty deep in thought and Cas really didn’t want to draw him out.**

**"C-Cas?" Sam questioned, as if he thought it would have been someone else.**

**"Yeah. ‘S just me. Brought you soup," Cas held up the bowl as he sat down next to other man.**

**Sam just turned away, glassy look in his eyes because that was usually Dean’s job. Dean took care of him, had been doing so since they were kids. And fuck, he shouldn’t have been so ungrateful because Cas is trying. And it’s wasn’t like Cas hadn’t cared for him before, but he wasn’t Dean, wasn’t Sam’s big brother.**

**"C’mon, Sammy. Gotta eat," Cas tried, sighing as the, technically, younger man still ignored him. He really did not want to go through another one of Sam’s defiant stages. They were doing so well! "Sam. Dean would want you to eat."**

**And something about that there snapped a cord in Sam. He was bubbling with rage in two point five seconds flat. How the hell would Cas know want Dean wants? No one knew what Dean wanted; Dean was dead.**

**"Don’t," Sam mumbled, jaw clenched tight. "Don’t you dare bring my brother into this. Just leave me alone, Cas."**

**But Cas wouldn’t. No, he wasn’t going to leave Sam; not now, not ever. Sam was gonna pull through this, even without Cas’ grace and powers. Wherever Dean may have been, Cas knew that he’d want Sammy better. And Cas would try his damnedest to make that happen.**

**"Not gonna leave you, Sam. Not that easy. Now stop fighting me and eat, okay?"**

xXx 

Cas sat the bowl on the nightstand next to the bed and reached out gingerly to touched the side of the half hidden face, his heart nearly broke in two when he received a flinch in return. He knew that Sam trusted him completely, but grief had the power to change a person into something inhuman. Always in a defensive posture, like an injured animal that has been attacked.

Cas rubbed his fingertips across the thick stubble and up to the wild hair that lay in a tangled mess across the man’s face. He brushed it back gently with his hands, allowing his fingers to rub through the mess and across his scalp. Cas noticed an immediate loosening of Sam’s clenched jaw, almost as if he had been chewing his sorrow all morning and had finally swallowed.

"Just a couple bites and then I will go do something else. How about that?" he was waiting for a growl of frustration but instead Sam just pushed himself up on the bed and looked at him. Not wanting to lose the moment Cas grabbed the bowl of chicken and rice soup and lifted the spoon, nearly spilling it in his effort to get some in Sam’s mouth before he changed his mind. Sam halfheartedly grabbed for the spoon to feed himself, he was a demon killing, apocalypse ending bad-ass after all, but Castiel easily deflected the weak attempts.

After six spoonfuls Sam sank back down onto the bed and covered his head with a pillow. This was definitely a victory. Castiel cleaned up the mess and left a cup of water next to the bed then he made his way to the bathroom to fill up the bathtub for Sam before he fell asleep.

xXx 

**Sam listened as Castiel trailed away and was thankful for the few minutes alone. He was so tired, so angry. There were so many emotions running through him that it was getting to the point where he was not only physically worn down, but emotionally as well. Sitting up and lying down seemed to drain so him easy these days that he considered it a victory that he was able to bathe and use the restroom by himself.**

**Of course, it hadn’t gotten to the point that he needed Cas’ help relieving himself, for which he was grateful. That would be rather embarrassing. Not that Sam had anything to be embarrassed about. Sharing hotel rooms with his brother and the fact that Castiel was an angel who knew nothing about privacy or personal space got him accustomed to people seeing him in all sorts of compromising positions.**

**"Sam," Cas’ voice dragged him out of his thoughts and he peeked out from under the pillow at the blue-eyed man. "Bath’s ready."  
Sam groaned and pulled the pillow back over his head. “Dun wanna, Cas.”**

**"Well, I want you too. This whole showering once every three days or so ain’t working for me, Sam. You’re stinking up the whole place."  
Sam blushed, groaning again. Hygiene was another thing that had begun to dwindle in these last three weeks. Just because Sam could get up and shower didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to. But Cas was right, he noticed as he actually took the the time sniff himself out, he stunk.**

**"Fine," he spoke, pushing the pillow off of his face and onto the bed. He was met with blue eyes instantly and he almost laughed. Cas looked like a mother dealing with an annoying child. "Just don’t look at me like that, kay?"**

**Castiel rolled his eyes, helping Sam to his feet before making their way to the bathroom. When they made it in, Castiel stayed just long enough to make sure that Sam knew where Cas put his change of clothes and the towels for when he was done. Taking one last look at Sam, he turned on his heel to leave, cracking the door instead of closing it completely.**

xXx 

Castiel stood idly in the hallway, he had finished cleaning the dishes in the kitchen and had picked up Sam's clothes from random locations around the bunker, now he had know idea what to do. This left him in the awkward situation of needing to give Sam his space and wanting desperately to be near him.

He snapped from his thoughts when he heard the choked breaths coming from behind the cracked door in front of him. He was frozen in place. Another muffled gasp came and Castiel snapped into action. He pushed the heavy door open wide enough to squeeze through and found Sam in the bath with his knees to his chest and hands clenching his own hair. His back heaved with silent sobs, he had clearly been trying not to make any sounds that would alert the ex-angel of a problem. Cas nearly sprinted to the side of the bath and placed his hands atop Sam’s in an effort to stop him from pulling locks of it out with his bare hands.

If I were an angel… he thought as a lump formed in his throat. He shushed and cooed to Sam as he pulled each finger from it’s vice grip. “I- I- Cas, please! I keep- seeing,” the words tumbled out as sobs drenched in tears. What Sam saw was his brother rising again after he had killed him once, and then twice. He nearly lost his life each time but in reality he had never stopped dying on the inside. The third and last time Sam had to kill Dean, Castiel was there to bear witness. Sam had cured Dean, not the demon cure they used on Crowley, but one much older, one that was thought to be lost centuries ago.

He watched Dean become human again and heard him beg for Sam to believe that he was cured. The begging became weepy accusations, then screams, and then rage filled curses. The mark of Cain turning blood red the angrier he became. Cas had no doubt that Sam did what was right. The mark was seared into his brothers arm and would restart the process as soon as Dean was released, leading them down the same road they had been down twice already. Dean becoming a monster.

Cas sat on a stool as the tremors began to leave Sam’s shoulders and continued to rub the man’s head. He remembered that this action always seemed to relax Sam so he leaned over and found the small travel sized shampoo in the basket beneath the claw footed tub.

xXx 

**Castiel gently worked the shampoo into Sam’s hair, fingers working deftly against the other man’s scalp. As the time passed, he could feel Sam loosening back up, relaxing to the point where the shaking and crying had finally stopped. Cas continued the work, rinsing Sam’s hair with water and then adding a small dab of conditioner so combing the hair would be an easy task later on.**

**"Are you okay to do the rest?" Cas asked, blue eyes wide.**

**"I uhm," Sam paused, "I think so. Thanks, Cas. ‘S nice when you do that."**

**Cas smiled, insides heating up a bit. It felt good to be able to make Sam feel better. Not many things had that power these days and he was more than glad to be one them, especially with his ever blooming love for the younger man. When Cas felt it was time to leave Sam to wash, he stood from the stool where he was perched and began to make his way out. A wet hand then closed around his wrist, keeping him from going too far.**

**Sam’s face was an emotional battle between embarrassed and broken. The same big, hazel eyes that Cas was so used to seeing happy, we’re red and puffy, darting everywhere that wasn’t Cas’ face. He knew it was hard for Sam, losing Dean and being like this. Shit, it was hard for him! He was newly human, all grace gone and Dean was gone and once again there was a broken Sam to nurse back to health. How was he ev-**

**"Don’t go," Sam’s gravelly voice startled him, pushing his train of thought to the back of his mind.**

**"What?"**

**"Don’t leave. Stay," was all Sam said, taking his hand back.**

xXx 

Castiel sank back down onto the stool, clearly unsure of what to do next. He was also unsure if what he currently felt inside was shock or relief. It feels good to be wanted even after all that he had done here on earth, after all he had done to Sam. But that was what made Sam the most amazing person that ever existed, his unwavering ability to forgive and forget. 

Sam sighed and stretched his long legs out in the water, he sank down into the large tub and resting his head on the high back. His long muscular body showed scars from years of fighting monsters, and a few healing wounds from his most recent and final battle. The water shimmered in the overhead light, illuminating every part of him. Castiel looked at his hands, knowing too well how the brothers had hated his disregard for privacy and personal space when he was an angel. 

The water was just high enough to make it right below Sam’s chest so Cas leaned over the resting man’ s body and turned the H knob for the hot water. “Thank you,” Sam responded in a low tone, he closed his eyes and relaxed just a bit more. ”It’s no problem Sam.” Cas really meant those words, even if he struggled to express his true feelings, he knew every one of them were true. 

Maybe it was better to show rather than say. After turning the water off he lifted the sponge from where it hung around the C knob and held it under the warm water. He touched an arm to get the man’s attention. Sam nodded in approval and closed his eyes again. Cas squeezed the hot water over those shoulders that carried the weight of the world like Atlas.  
He was busy rubbing small circles down Sam’s chest when he noticed the intense hazel eyes locked on him. This brought him out of what ever fantasy he had drifted into and he dropped the sponge. “Um… I will let you finish Sam. Call me if you need anything.” He got up quickly and fled the bathroom.

xXx 

**Sam watched, once heavy-lidded eyes blown wide as Castiel fled from the bathroom. He didn’t mean to scare Cas off; that wasn’t his plan. But he couldn’t control his look, the ever readable emotions that played out in his expression. He hadn’t expected Cas to pick up the sponge and wash him, but the older man had and it was fantastic. Sam’s body was practically crackling with pleasure and not even the sexual kind. It was just nice to feel, to have someone else do the work when he felt so weak. But with Cas gone, so were the feelings and Sam was left to finish washing all by his lonesome.  
**

**Cas busied himself with laundry, stripping the sheets on the bed and replacing them with new ones. He didn’t know a great deal about human life, but he’d quickly found that he wasn’t so fond of a dirty environment. He preferred cleanliness rather than the mess that Sam and Dean, well mostly Dean, left behind.**

**He tried to keep his mind from wandering back to Sam and the bathroom. Cas had always considered Sam’s eyes to be among the most beautiful things he had ever seen, and to see them so close with so much intensity, it made a lightning-like feeling shoot through him. This little crush, as he knew humans called it, was getting out of hand. Sooner or later Cas was going to act on that feeling he had whenever Sam was around and the ex-angel wasn’t exactly sure that was a good thing.**

**Cas didn’t have much time to dwell before Sam popped out of the bathroom again, dressed in a plain gray v-neck and a pair of shorts. The taller, bulkier man leaned heavily up against the door way as he stared over at the shorter male, hazel eyes looking at him just as intensely as they had been before. Cas found himself rooted in his spot, neither being able to move nor drop Sam’s gaze.**

**"Cas," Sam sighed, his too long hair falling into his face. "I’m tired."**

**Cas’ face crinkled in confusion and his eyes darted from Sam’s to the freshly made bed. “Yes, then you should sleep. One sleeps when he is tired.”**

**Sam sighed once again, louder this time. Of course Cas would go all ex-angel on him and not understand that Sam was the kind of tired that wasn’t simply fixed by hours of rest. Sam was exhausted and that exhaustion stemmed from everywhere. Losing Dean, being helpless and broken all over again, and skating around this thing he felt for Cas. He shook his head though, as he mulled it around in his brain. Maybe, perhaps, they weren’t meant to have this conversation just yet.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post season 10, Sam is recovering from injuries and deeply mourning the loss of his brother Dean. Castiel has refused to leave him in the Bunker alone and cares for him, just like he has before. Their love for each other as best friends and brothers in arms begins to flourish in to more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a fic!off that a friend and I did. Her portions will be in bold. ((The rating may change as chapters are added))

Sam limped over to the bed and let his body fold into the piles of blankets beneath him and squeezed his eyes closed. Cas had brought him almost all of the linen in the bunker because he always felt cold these days. Sure the bunker stayed cool but this was different. He felt this cold in his bones and it was only relieved when he soaked in hot water for a while or when he sank down into the bed and didn't move for hours. He looked around with blurry vision trying to make out Cas in the dim lighting. "I am here Sam," said that familiar deep voice from the large armchair in the corner of the room. The ex-angel pushed the arm chair to the table lamp near the bed and picked up a book that rested there. "I will stay until you are asleep." 

Finally able to focus a bit more, Sam watched Castiel's eyes move slowly back and forth across the pages. There wasn't much by way of fiction in the bunker, but over the last couple of years he and Dean, well mostly he, had started up quite a collection. Castiel had brought back several novels during his supply runs over the past couple of weeks and had been reading on the odd occasion when he was not caring for Sam.

 _Pride and Prejudice_ , it read across the cover. For some reason this made Sam smile a bit; he had always loved the book but never let anyone, especially not Dean, in on that secret. He loved Elizabeth's strong nature and couldn't help but smile when Mr. Darcy finally began to love it too. 

"Cas," he barely whispered. 

Cas looked up in his direction, concerned etched across his brow, and nearly stood from his seat.

"No... no. Could you just- read aloud?" he asked hesitantly. "I... really like that book."

Castiel's brow softened and he glanced down at the paper bound novel in his hand. "Sure Sam," he replied as he took his place holder out and moved it to the front of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife..." 

Sam settled back against the pillows and pulled the thick blankets up to block the cold. Cas' voice was deep and soothing and seemed to anchor him to this place on the earth. He was asleep before Mr. Bennet could announce that the family would call on Mr. Bingley. Cas placed his bookmark and sat the book down on the bed stand. Sam looked so very peaceful like this, after the drag of a long day and before the terror that gripped him in his nightmares. He gently brushed hair from the man's face. 

"How could we be so wrong?" he said quietly to himself. He ghosted his finger tips over Sam's eyes and watched him stir slightly. Castiel, for a fleeting moment, yearned for his angelic gift to be able to see past the mortal vessel, just to witness the radiance of this man's soul one last time. 

"How could the entire host of heaven be so wrong about you Sam Winchester? We were so focused, so prejudice. _The righteous man-_ " his laugh was low and bitter. He glanced down at his hands, human now, useless. 

"But he was- you were- here all along and- and we were so blind..." he voice broke and he rubbed his hands down his jeans. For a moment he paused. 

Maybe not useless at all he thought as he looked at the book he was just reading. He rose and quietly left the room, passing his own, and headed for the library. Instead of sleeping he put together a list of books that they could read as Sam recovered. 

Maybe not useless at all. 

xXx 

I have not gotten a post from my writing buddy so I will try to finish this up.

Another week passed with Sam curled under the blankets on his bed, quietly listening to Castiel read _Pride and Prejudice_ , totally lost to the outside world. He was eating a bit better so Castiel hadn't pushed him too hard to get out of bed, other than to brush his teeth and shower. Now, however, he felt that Sam should be moving about more. He had found a thick woolen men's robe and washed it for Sam to wear in the chilly bunker, if his plan worked, and managed to get it on the mans body. Cas moved a chair to the door of Sam's room and sat there with the book in hand. Sam looked up from his pile of pillows warily. 

"Uh- Cas? Is something wrong?" Sam tried not to let the panic he was feeling seep into his words. Did he smell bad? Was Castiel finally tired of his broken spirit? Would Cas be leaving him, alone, in the bunker? Maybe that would be for the best, he thought as his eyes began to burn. Maybe that would give him the chance to finally end- 

Castiel cleared his throat as he watched Sam spiral into himself. Sam's eyes focused again at the sound and he looked over at Castiel for an answer, the ex-angel simply lifted the book and began reading where they had left off. "On Saturday morning Elizabeth and Mr. Collins met for breakfast a few minutes before the others appeared; and he took the opportunity of paying the parting civilities which he deemed indispensably necessary.” 

Sam was utterly confused. He pushed himself up against his pillows a little and glanced around the room. The arm chair, where Cas normally sat, was there beside the bed. The bedside table was clear save for the lamp that cast yellow light across the room. Sam settled back against the head board with pillows supporting his back, confusion melting into acceptance. Castiel was a weird little guy after all. The only problem was that Sam could barely hear him reading; apparently Castiel had no plans of raising his voice to accommodate the tired man either. He closed his eyes to focus on the words and settled in for the evening. 

The following night found an exasperated Sam on his bed, wrapped tightly in his robe that he had grown very attached to, struggling to hear Castiel from the hall. He scooted his long frame to the end of the bed, pillows and blankets following him as if they contained a life of their own, and rested his feet in the soft armchair that sat there. His foggy mind was unsure of when it had moved from its usual position near the night stand, but he was glad to have something to rest his feet on. The story was progressing and Sam was glad of it, he had a couple of scenes he was looking forward to. When Cas was out or taking care of himself, which was hardly ever, his mind would drift back down into the depths of his grief, it seemed that thinking about how the story was unfolding helped him from falling too far. Castiel would come back and read to him again, helping him get through another day. He leaned his head against the cushions of the chair and watched Cas lean against the corridor wall. He had jeans on that were undoubtedly Dean's old jeans and a button down navy blue shirt that was new. He loved the sound of Castiel's gravelly voice because it was the closest thing he had left to home. So he watched and listened, pushing his sadness away for the moment, and let Castiel’s deep voice lull him to sleep.

xXx 


End file.
